Perfect

 Perfect.

i’ve climbed mountains. i’ve run miles. i’ve swam through oceans and lakes and rivers alike. i’ve flown across the world and back again. i’ve dived off of waterfalls. i’ve clung to the edges of the highest cliffs in the world. i’ve punched and kicked holes in more than a few walls. i’ve spent my time on my back in more than a few seedy clubs. i’ve broken my share of hearts. i’ve believed in three different Gods at the same time. i’ve stared at the television for hours on end. i’ve pulled a man out of an overturned car on a highway in south florida. i danced with my first true love under the Daytona moonlight. i wrote her name in the sand while she looked down from the top floor of a hotel and watched me spell it out. i’ve sang drunken songs with a broken old man. i’ve learned a thousand lessons from a faultless father. i’ve learned a thousand and one from my loving mother. i’ve walked into the sunset until i hit water. i’ve turned around and walked to the other side of the island. i’ve asked a girl to marry me on the lava rocks of hawaii. i’ve let that girl consume my every waking breath. i’ve taught hundreds of struggling writers how to tap into their souls for inspiration. i’ve smoked weed with friends and strangers alike. i’ve taken pills that made me walk the surface of mars. i’ve eaten dinner with the greatest chef i’ve ever met. i’ve become part of a hundred different families. i’ve sank my teeth into the shoulder of a girl i had never met as she moved on top of me in ways i didn’t know were possible. i’ve lied to every person i’ve ever known at least once. i’ve saved my sister from drowning. i am an eagle scout who was kicked out of summer camp one year for threatening to kill a man because he stole my soda. i am a narcissist. i’ve robbed a convenient store blind. i am not happy. i am self-conscious of the way i look and often get anxious if i feel someone is staring at me. i think more about what someone else thinks of me during a conversation than my own actual words. i get nostalgia thinking about the way things were ten years ago. i’ve lied about trying to kill myself. i’ve bragged about being a writer so much that all i want to be now is a musician. i’ve betrayed some of the only people that have been faithful to me in my lifetime. i am a pessimist. i am a realist. i am an existentialist. i am a writer. i am a fraud. i am sick of listening to myself complain. i am a cynic. i am a musician. i am prototypical. i am predictable. i am not concerned with grammar and spelling unless it is being graded or i am trying to help someone learn. i want to be a teacher but my biggest fear is that the people i teach start to realize that i am a condescending asshole. i can’t write my book because i’m too busy writing bullshit narcissistic blogs. i’ve hiked through the black hills of south dakota. i’ve ripped the braces off of my front teeth twice in my lifetime. i shot a bird with a BB gun in my backyard when i was 8 and i cried for hours because it was the first time i’d ever felt evil in my heart. i’ve been caught looking at porn twice in my life. i haven’t had sex in over two years and i lie about it constantly to boost my own ego. i am an alcoholic when i want to be. i only came back to hawaii to get my degree and i really feel completely alone here. i love my grandparents more than anything in the world and feel guilty for choosing my selfish cunt of an ex over them. i hate myself for drinking so much when i went to Europe because i don’t remember anything. i’ve been in love with a few girls and never grew the balls to tell them. i’ve imagined a future with complete strangers. i’m fully aware that this level of honesty will make people think differently of me which is why i’ve clumped it into a huge block of text and tried to deter people from reading the truth about me. i’ve had sex in a cemetery on multiple occasions. i have a tendency to fall in love with girls that will destroy me or my reputation. i am not ashamed of my choices. i tried cocaine once. i had a very very strange and traumatizing experience with a stripper in quincy illinois. i am deathly afraid of chickens. i love hockey. i love my family.

                                    i am not perfect and i don’t want to be.

                                                            perfect is fucking boring.