Invisible

Invisible

[not able to be seen with the eyes; hidden from view; not readily noticed or detected]

some people imagine invisible lines. they draw them in an intangible place somewhere in their heads. these lines, although they are never clearly defined, and never given any exact parameters, divide the one drawing from the one trying to cross over. but as i’ve said before, they are invisible. all of us do this without even realizing it. we send text messages, emails, facebook messages, and even on rare occasions will write letters to tell someone our perception of the particularities of a relationship. and in this distance, the one perpetuated by non-human interaction, invisible lines are drawn in an invisible place. they destroy us. they destroy our friendships. they destroy the parts of our lives that we grew up building and making strong.

sometimes it’s useful to imagine these lines are actually out there. i wonder how they would manifest. if we would all be encased in a cocoon. or if we would all start to get tangled within each other’s fears. but no matter how i imagine it manifesting, it always appears to me as a limitation. and i realized that these limitations are set by another invisible piece of the human condition.

                                                                                    fear.

           

                                               

                                                invisible lines

                                                            drawing invisible pictures

                                                                        of an invisible emotion.  

i’ve been angry over the past few days. very angry. very bitter. questioning how i allow myself to still feel the sting of something that has faded from my life. ashes in a storm. i let an invisible rage consume my invisible thoughts. so last night i drank myself to sleep instead of going out with my friends or watching the sopranos for hours on end. i sat in total darkness with my bottle of whiskey and contemplated the directions i could take from that point on. this was intentional. this was some kind of twisted meditation. but it fucking worked for me, believe it or not. i woke up this morning and realized that everything i have been feeling and thinking and wandering and hoping for is all

                                                                                                            invisible.

my fears, predominately, are invisible fears.

            my dreams, although vivid, are invisible dreams.

                        my goals, for the time being, are invisible goals.

and somehow there are people who believe that this whole blog, this project that i am doing for myself more than anything as a source of cathartic release, has some kind of specific purpose. those people can’t see that the purpose is also an invisible idea. 

fear is a funny thing. some people are afraid of the physical. but i would venture to say that most people on this planet fear things that they cannot see. and the fact that they can’t see any of it makes them even more afraid of it. and that fear snowballs and they begin to see their fears take shape in reality. but what they ignore, or fail to see, is that they are projecting their internal anguish - pain, doubt, regret - onto something that is easier for them to understand. they also fail to see that it is all invisible. it is all imaginary.

so what am i getting at? i don’t really know. i guess i just wanted to put more invisible ideas into the invisible cloud of invisible information and hope that some invisible peace will take place of some invisible fear and my invisible mind can rest for an invisible moment.